When will it end!

So, I still feel like death. I've come to the conclusion that I am now grinding my teeth in my sleep because when i'm awake my jaw feels really tense and aches. This only happens when my medication mg changes, and considering i'm going cold turkey it is in full effect. My stomach feels awful I get waves of pretty intense nausea..Oh, and i get some really intense hot flashes. They aren't even like pms hot flashes, like - pms hot flashes don't have shit on the one's i've been having recently. Out of the blue I get ungodly hot, so hot that it almost feels icy cold - if that makes sense. I'm just really annoyed with how I feel at this point and I cannot wait for this to end. I am glad however that I'm getting off of my medication now, as opposed to getting off of it after I become pregnant. I'm pretty sure being pregnant and dealing with such extreme withdrawals would've been very bad for the baby.

I haven't been to school at all this week and the majority of last week I was absent as well. Ah yea I guess I forgot to mention - I'm in cosmetology school. Again. I'm going back for my instructors license, whether or not I'll teach when I get out - who know's? Anyway, I haven't been going because I am in no shape to function outside of my house right now. I told the school that I have mono. I really don't have mono, but it sounds a lot better than saying i'm going through severe withdrawals from anxiety medication. Withdrawing from anxiety medication just isn't really a social thing lol. I do plan on going back to school, starting Monday.

I wish my cycles weren't so long. I'm a bit jealous of the girls who only have like a week in-between af ending and ovulating. I have like 2-3 weeks in-between. It just makes the process so much longer. I'm just so ready to be pregnant! I honestly thought that I would have been pregnant by now, I mean there are so many girls that I see on almost a daily basis that are getting pregnant by accident. It's just ridiculous. Which reminds me, I need to order more IC's - internet cheapie hpt's for you normal people. I buy them in bulk. Yes, I admit - i'm a poas-aholic. I did really well my last cycle, I only took one test! Compared to my usual 5 tests that I take during my 2ww lol. But I blame that partially on DH - dear husband - because he is usually more impatient about testing than I am! I hate testing too early, not so much because of the BFN - big fat negative - but because I hate telling dh that i'm not pregnant yet. It just crushes him every time and that makes me feel bad. Not like there is anything more I can do to aid in the baby making process, but I do sometimes feel like it's my body's fault for not making the baby - Yes, I know that is completely irrational. I have a lot of irrational thoughts - hence my anxiety disorder.


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