Let's Bounce!

:)
So, DH and I have decided to get the hell out of this town! Woohoo!!! We wont be moving to the beach, which is what I'd really love to do at some point - but we will be moving to Gatlinburg. I'm from there originally. The plan is for me to finish school (should be done by July) and for us to sell most of our shit and save up as much money as we can then were going to bounce. My parent's still live there and have a guest house so we plan on staying there for a couple of months while we get/adjust to new jobs and save up some more money while we look for an apartment of our own. The quicker we can move in and out of my parents house the better. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but I really, really like my space between me and my family lol. I've got some connections up there still so hopefully we can have at least a job for one of us lined up before we move. I'm not terribly excited about being that close to my family, but I'm so fucking stoked to get out of this town! There just isn't shit here for us and this city isn't doing anything about it. Were hoping to be moved up there no later than the end of August, hopefully sooner than that to secure jobs. I absolutely cannot wait like time cannot move fast enough right now. I've already been scouting out apartments lol and the majority of them look pretty freakin' sweet. I'm so excited!!!

Baby Clothes

So, I'm on TTC boards pretty frequently - mostly the "Getting Pregnant" board on babycenter.com  I see a lot of women on there that are ttc and already have baby clothes and other baby items for when they do get pregnant and have a baby. Well, I haven't done any of that. I just haven't brought myself to buy any baby stuff and I don't think that I will till I'm actually pregnant (Unless I get coupons for diapers, then maybe I will start buying diapers lol - I've been getting into this whole "extreme couponing" thing) Now just because i'm not buying baby stuff doesn't mean that I don't glance at every adorable piece of baby clothing when i'm walking through Wal-mart. There's a particular stroller and car seat that I look at every time I go by, just to make sure it's still there for when I do need it.

Now to the point of all of this - about a week or so ago when we thought that I might be pregnant, DH had told a few people that he worked with about our "maybe baby" I didn't mind, he was so excited and hopeful - I can't blame him for telling whoever he came across that day. So, one of the ladies he works with - thinking that I may be pregnant- bought us a little pair of baby jeans. DH brought them home this morning and while he was in bed I just held them. I wasn't sure how to think or feel holding these little tiny jeans in my hands. All I could do really is imagine one day we would have a baby of our own to put into those pants. I've tucked the jeans into my cabinet for safe keeping, but I have a feeling i'll probably get them out a lot just to look at them. I just want this so badly...

A little concerned

I'm about midway through af- thank god. I didn't think I would ever get out of my last cycle. That was absolute Hell and I hope I don't have another cycle like it. I'm thinking about getting some Evening Primrose Oil to use this cycle, and i'm also going to look into things that are supposed to regulate my cycles because these 40-57 day cycles really suck!

It's almost June, which will make it our 8th month trying... I can't believe it's already been 8 months and nothing. But, I was really naive I guess when we first start trying. I really thought that I would be about half way through my pregnancy by now. Haha that was wishful thinking. Anyway, if my cycles stay as long as they have been, I really only have this cycle and one, maybe 2 more before it'll mark our 1 year of trying. Of course I hope that we get pregnant before the 1 year mark, but if we don't? I have no idea what we'll do. I mean, soon as we hit 12 months i'll make a doctors appointment and try to go from there - I definitely wont be wasting any time..

And then there are other concerns: DH. I'm almost finished with school, for good. DH however, hasn't had the chance to go to school. He has supported us while I've been in and out of cosmo school. So, now that I'm about out he is thinking of going to school. Honestly it makes me a little nervous. I totally understand why he wants to go to school to be whatever it is he wants to be, it'd be better for us for him to be able to get a decent paying job instead of a minimum wage job that may/may not ever go anywhere. But, he brought up some points the other day: If he is in school and I'm working, how are we going to take care of the baby? I'll have to take time off when the baby is born, and if he's in school thats going to make things pretty difficult for a while.  I understand the reasoning behind that point - it totally makes sense...but, what if he decides to go to school for something that is going to take 4 years? Then what? Should we put off having a baby? I don't think I could put off having a baby for that long, not at this point. Plus, not saying that we are going to move in the next 4 years (I really want to move in the next year or so!) but, I don't want to feel tied down for that long. Ugh this school thing is stressing me out. He needs to go to school whether its a technical thing or college, he needs to go to help provide a better life for us. I just wish he was already done with school so we could move on. Blah blah blah.

My Charts

So, even though I've posted a link to my charts before, it will only show my current chart and the chart from my last cycle. I decided to post all of my charts here instead -starting with my current chart.

I need a BFP or AF - stop dragging this out!

Ugh! This has by far been the worst cycle I have ever had. I am so over it! Either I need to get a BFP or AF needs to hurry her ass up so I can move on. Not only was it anovulatory and I had to split my charts in half to compensate for it, but it's been the most frustrating cycle ever! My CH's have jumped around so much that it's not even funny. For example, I have solid CH's right now on CD 15, but if I change that temp by .1 (My temp for CD15 is made up because I didn't take it that day - long story short - I HAVE to put a temp in there for my chart to make any sense at all) Anyway, if it's changed by .1 so from 96.66 to 96.67 - my CH's move to CD 17 and their dotted. Now granted, visually speaking I can see how CD17 could be an O day - however, my pre O symptoms started on CD 13 and the peak of those symptoms was on CD15. I didn't have any O symptoms on CD17 other than sore boobs, which i've had every day none stop since CD13. Ugh.

So here is my dilemma, I'm almost positive that I O'd on CD 15. I'm CD 28 today which makes me 13DPO. I should get AF tomorrow. If by some ridiculous chance I did O on CD 17 that would only make me 11DPO. Now, my temps have stayed up - it dipped a little today by like .17. I haven't been cramping, but I've had a fairly constant "ache" since 1am on CD 25. Today when I got up, I've got super light spotting. Nothing is actually coming out, it's just super light brown/pink on the tp when I wipe. The spotting today is the only thing that would make me possibly think that i'm 11DPO and not 13. So this could mean AF is on it's way or i'm miraculously pregnant. I haven't been turning my A/C on so that it wont affect my temps and i'm getting really fed up with sleeping in a hot room. I figured my temp would have dropped the last 3 days, since it usually drops and stays down as of 11DPO - but then again, this cycle is nothing at all like any other cycle I've had.

I'm really just rambling out of frustration. If my temp hasn't dropped tomorrow, i'll be taking my last FRER. 

Fail. BFN 14DPO No af? Wth!

Ugh I am miserable.

So, DH brought home some Frer's this am, unfortunately I had already peed before I knew that he had bought some hpt's. So, I held it in for 3 hours, peed in a cup, dipped the stick - and waited. Time was up - not even the faintest line. Hell, I didn't even get an indent or an evap line.  I'm pretty confused. My temp dipped just slightly today, but it definitely didn't drop and I definitely haven't gotten my period yet, or even spotting for that matter. My lower uterine (?) area has been a little hmm achey/numb feeling off and on since really late last night but other than that I'm not breaking out or showing any other signs of af.

Well, I went to the doctor today to get my blood work results and also for a pap and pregnancy test. I was scheduled for this stuff weeks ago. I got there, blood work all looked fine. The Doc seemed surprised that I was supposed to have a pap done today (I don't understand why, she's the one that scheduled it after all since I missed my pap with my ob/gyn back in February..) Anyway, she told me that I didn't need to have a pap if it had been a year or less since my last but agreed to do it anyway. I also showed her my chart and the fact that my temps have stayed up for 14 days. She continued to set up for the pap and I had to interrupt her and ask "Aren't you going to do a pregnancy test?" (I didn't tell her I got a BFN this am.) She said she could but that it was probably too early. Wtf. I went to the bathroom, peed in the cup and went back for my exam. She did the pap and said that I had a cyst? I guess she took a sample of it or something but said that it looked normal. She didn't do a pelvic exam though, which I don't think i've ever had a pap without a pelvic? She said I would get a letter in the mail with the results of my exam, but it'll take up to 3 weeks.

I asked her if by chance I'm not pregnant if their is anything I she could recommend to shorten/regulate my cycles - I mean, come on, my cycles usually range from 40-57 days. That makes this whole TTC process much more difficult. She told me that I could try bcp that it might regulate my cycle but also might make it more irregular. Yea, because that's exactly what I need. I brought up that I've read some things about herbal supplements and stuff that could possibly make my cycles a little more regular and all she could tell me was that it couldn't hurt to try. These just weren't the answers I was expecting from my doctor.Then, she told me "You could always get insurance so then you could see a good doctor and maybe get some more answers from them" ....................Also not something I expected hear from my doctor. So basically, I feel like i'm just shit out of luck. I went to the doctor seeking answers, not this BS.

It kind of pisses me off. Ok, it really pisses me off. It's like i'm not being taken seriously because I haven't been TTC for a whole year. Maybe I should have lied and said that I had, maybe then someone would pay attention to me. I think there is something up with my progesterone, I spot every single cycle - but my doctor didn't even catch that. Ugh! FML.

I think I might get my BFP tomorrow

So, I'm 13dpo today and my temp hasn't dropped. This has never happened to me before. Every cycle since I began charting, my temp always drops on 11dpo and stays dropped. Not this time though, this time its different. I thought that my ch's were in the wrong place till recently, I played with some of the empty days on my chart to see what other possibilities of an O day there were, and the only one that made sense is exactly where FF placed it. Other than the fact that my temps have been up for 13 days, my boobs have been hurting.the entire 2 weeks! Now, my boobs always hurt when I ovulate but usually midway through my 2ww they stop hurting completely. I'm 13 dpo and they still hurt :)

I really wasn't excited at all about this cycle because of the first big chunk of it being anov not to mention the fact that we bd just 3 days before I O'd. I didn't expect to get pregnant this go around, but right now, I've never felt closer to being pregnant.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up. My temp could always drop tomorrow and I could get af, but that has never happened to me. Every cycle my temp drops days before af and then I have spotting which eventually leads to af. No temp drops and no spotting. Oh dear God could I really be pregnant? I'll be totally shocked, mostly by the fact that we bd 3 days before O. 3 days! I know sperm can live up to 5 in superb conditions, but after all my cycles of trying to bd right on time I can't believe the one time where everything wasn't how I thought it should be I might actually be pregnant.

What a horrible time to not have an hpt's laying around! Ugh I'm dying to know, but I should know soon enough. I have a doctors appt. tomorrow. They are supposed to do a pap/pelvic exam and tell me the results of my blood test as well as do a pregnancy test. My appt isn't till 1 so I guess after I pee when I wake up I'm going to hold it till I can go at the doctors office so I can give them a more concentrated sample lol ugh I'm going nuts!

Also, dh and I had originally planned that when I got my bfp we wouldn't tell our families for a while, just to make sure everything was ok. Well, if I find out tomorrow we may have to change those plans. My little sister is graduating high school Tuesday so we will be going.to visit my family. Dh can't keep a secret, at all. It makes him physically ill lol. The day he proposed he was sick all day! So now if we go up there and I'm Preggo we will have to tell them. Oh goodness.

Well, ill update tomorrow. Wish me luck

Unstable

I feel like I'm possibly on the verge of a mental breakdown. I just don't know what else to say

I finally ovulated!

Well, I was starting to think that it was never going to happen - but I O'd! However, i'm not exactly sure if I O'd on CD 40 or 41. I'd like to think 41 because my symptoms were the most intense that day, but unfortunately a huge lack of sleep didn't allow me to test that morning. I go in Thursday morning to get some blood work down and next Monday I go in for a pap/pelvic exam as well as a pregnancy test. I will be totally shocked if I got preggo this cycle, mostly because we only bd on cd41. But, I did also eat pineapple core for 5 days lol. Either way, i'm glad I O'd and that i'm in the 2ww and that I have doctors appointments coming up. Woohoo

O! O! O!

I'm going to ovulate! I know, it's finally going to happen after 40+ days! Woohoo! My nipples started to get a little sore yesterday and are definitely sore today. That kind of gave me a heads up that O was finally coming along. Then today, I was sitting in the living room and DH was at the back of the kitchen making some Kool-aid - and I could smell the kool-aid all the way in the living room! I could even tell the flavor! I can smell everything around this time in my cycle it's crazy. Oh, and I finally have Ewcm! I should O any day now! Now, I just have to figure out if I have new lining from where I spotted for a week or if it's 40+ days old lining...I'm hoping that it's fresh lining so maybe this one will stick. If it's really old I don't know if we will have much luck but I'm going to try everything I can! Unfortunately (TMI WARNING - You have been warned!) DH and I were going to Bd early this afternoon (Before I realized I was already producing ewcm) and well, there was foreplay and turns out i'm a little too good at playing around and therefore lost my chance for today- needless to say we didn't get to bd lol Oh well, hopefully I have a day or 2 before I O and I will definitely Bd as much as I can until then! Oh, and i'm going to try the pineapple core thing - fun stuff.

CD 39 - This is getting ridiculous

Ugh! Today was CD 39 and I still haven't ovulated. The only small bit of hope I has is that maybe over the next couple of days I will get lucky and O! The latest I have O'd in the past was CD 44, so fingers crossed that maybe that will happen again. However, even if I do O in the next couple of days, i'm sure my lining is so old that nothing would stick to it anyway. Jeez this is sooo frustrating!!!!! I just want to get this over with already so I can start ttc again. I will say this though, if I do happen to ovulate i'm going to try the pineapple core thing and maybe that will aid in my chance of getting preggo. From what I understand you eat a chunk of pineapple core for the 5 days following O it's supposed to strengthen your lining or something. I might just be making stuff up right now, I really need to look into it again and make sure my facts are straight lol. I seem to be producing a little more cm than usual yesterday and today and my nipples are getting a little sensitive..please please let me O!!!!!!

Doc update

Pregnancy test is negative -duh I knew that. She is going to draw blood to test my thyroid and 3 other things.. 2 started with a c but I don't remember what they were. She is having me come back next Monday to do a pap and to go over my blood work results and to do a repeat pregnancy test - just in case. Then we will go from there and see what meds they may need to put le on. Now I need to wait till next Monday, goodness I'm impatient! Oh and she absolutely loved the fact that I brought in all of my charts!

Scratch that they aren't drawing my blood till the 19th and doing my pap on the 23rd. Jeez. Well maybe I will have finally O'd by then.

Wishful thinking

At the doctor

I'm here! I'm sitting in my room waiting to be seen by the doctor my friend K told me about. I printed off all of my charts/data and brought it all with me too. So far they've checked my weight, pulse, and are doing a pregnancy test just to be sure. I still have no idea what to expect out of this appt, I just hope they can fix me because I've been feeling pretty broken this cycle lol. I'm on cd38 with no O and my temps are still weird. I wonder if its a thyroid issue? I guess ill just have to wait and find out. I'll update when I have some news :)

Feeling hopeful

Mother's Day

I'm not quite sure how I feel about today. Every I go people are celebrating being a "Mom". Something I have yet to experience. Everyone's talking about how great it is to be a mom and how awesome their children are. I just wish I could celebrate it as well...Maybe next year it will be my turn. Doctor tomorrow - hopefully with good news

One step forward

Well my temps are still crazy, but I have good news! I was able to get in touch with the "family planning doctor this morning and have an appointment scheduled for Monday. Woo! Hopefully they'll get me back on track and on my way to making a baby :)

:(

We have a picture of the new snake on my FB page titled "Our newest family member" Well, my mother in law commented saying "That's an interesting family member, I'm glad he lives with you, and I would have preferred a grandchild instead"

She doesn't know we've been ttc. Ugh :(

Pick up the damn phone!

I tried calling the health dept. like 5 times today, and left messages! Not once did anyone answer or return my calls. How annoying. I'm still spotting today except its really really light, thank goodness I think it's about over. My temps are still really low. I was hoping to have my appointment made this week but i'll just have to call a thousand times tomorrow and hopefully get in to see a doctor.

In other news, my husband got his first pet snake today lol. His name is...well it doesn't have one yet. It's really friendly though and seems to like me quite a bit. And I will continue to like him until my husband makes the mistake of feeding that thing in front of me. That was the deal, we can have a snake but anything involved with feeding him - leave me out of it!

Osama bin laden died. I really figured the guy was already dead somewhere in the desert. I could go on and on about how ridiculous I think it is that people are rejoicing because we killed the bad guy. But, i'm not going to go into it. However, I do feel like its kind of morally fucked up for people to celebrate anyone's death. Hm. 

An apple a day

So, i'm calling the doctor tomorrow to make an appointment, hopefully they can get me in fairly soon. I'm still spotting, which is ridiculous and annoying. I'm hoping they will check my thyroid and hormone levels to see if everything is what it needs to be. As much as I don't want to, i'm 3 months late on my pap exam so I guess i'll have to get one of those done too. Yuck. Oh well, I just hope they figure out what's going on with me and can fix it. I just want to get onto my next cycle or O so I can get back to ttc.