Last Post

Considering the title of my blog is "My life in 2011" - this particular blog will soon be coming to an end. However, I am going to begin a new blog, more focused on infertility - my journey and struggles. It's been a long year and although we have yet to get pregnant, we have come a long way. We've been broke, wealthy, sold cars, bought cars, moved, had numerous jobs and have seen a few doctors. It's been a good year despite everything else going on, however I am ready for this one to end. It's time for a new year and hopefully we are on our way to bringing in a new life as well. When I have to the new address for my new blog ill post it here in case you'd like to follow. Happy holidays :)

On to the next step!

Dh and I received our insurance cards in the mail today! I was soo excited, probably more excited than any other person would be. I called the big hospital in Knoxville today and got dh and I an appt set up for November 2nd. Were going to see a Perinatologist (not sure if I spelled that correctly) . Hopefully whatever is keeping us from getting pregnant will be an easy fix. I cannot wait to see that first bfp! I'm on cd 32 right now and still haven't O'd. Hopefully i'll O soon to give this one last shot before we see the doctim hoping that I will be ending this cycle around the time of our appt so that way I'll be ready to take any meds they want me to take at the beginning of my next cycle. I just hope we get a good doctor who will work with us and help us out, because i don't feel like were going to get pregnant on our own. I think waiting for my doc appt is going to drive me more crazy than the tww!

I had a dream the other night about our baby. I believe it was a girl because she was wrapped in pink. All I did was hold her and I couldn't stop staring at her. She was so beautiful and so perfect in every way. I just sat there and rocked her and felt her warmth. I woke up and just cried.

Dear baby,

I hope you'll be ready to come into our lives soon because we are so ready for you. We already love you more than you'll ever know. I'm trying to be patient, I really am. It's been a year now, and I hope you will be in my arms by this time next year. I love you so much.

Your future mommy.

It's about damn time

So, I can't even remember the last blog I wrote or what it was about... So I'm going to start where I maybe, possibly left off.

We moved and it was definitely the right decision. Apart from living too close to my parents and were still not pregnant, everything else is.going great. I got a job at a great salon. I'm making pretty good $$$, much better than all the other salons I've worked at anyway. Dh got an awesome job selling vacation clubs. He's doing so well! Plus were finally getting health insurance! I'm so excited about it, hopefully i'll know today when our benefits will kick in - I'm thinking end of October? And its pretty convenient seeing as October will mark us ttc for 1 whole year. Good grief! I look back over the last year and cannot understand how I haven't gotten pregnant yet. Granted my cycles are all over the place and some are insanely long, but I know I've ovulated almost every cycle. We've tried preseed, bding every other day, hips elevated, sex in the am, sex in the pm, temping and not temping, quit smoking, quit drinking sodas, quit eating fast food, got off of my anxiety meds, gained weight, lost weight, drinking only water, I even ate a pineapple core to try and get pregnant. What nonsense! Now were just bding and relaxing, I'm not temping to keep my mind off of it and remain stress free. I'm feeling probably the healthiest I've ever felt so that's good I guess. Also, I'm seeing a chiropractor now which I'm hoping will aid in us ttc. I've had lower back/hip problems over the last couple of years. I see the "back cracker" once a week now. My cycle before last I didn't O till cd 60, my last cycle after I began seeing the chiropractor I O'd on cd 18 - could be coincidence or maybe realigning my body is helping it function properly. That cycle has already ended and I'm on cd 11 now so we'll see how this cycle goes. As soon as our insurance kicks in, dh is getting a sa done. I'm a bit nervous about it, mostly because he had epididymitis twice. Whether or not that can affect his reproductive ability- I have no idea. Fingers crossed his stuff works! But if everything with him checks out, that means I'm the problem. I wouldn't be surprised if the problem is with me, I mean my cycles are all over the place, I have midcycle spotting sometimes, I'm a mess. Hopefully whatever the case is they can fix it so we can finally get pregnant.

A good friend of mine is about to pop, she's due Oct. 9th (i don't think she'll make it that long) anyway, we work together which is great but some of the time it does make me feel a little down when she talks about what she bought for the baby and things like that. Her baby was an accident - I don't think she realizes how lucky she is. I would give anything to be pregnant. I went to her dads house with her yesterday and took her maternity photos for her. They turned out soo cute! I absolutely cannot wait to take maternity pics. Her baby shower is this coming weekend, not sure how that'll make me feel - I've avoided every baby shower since ttc but I'm going to hers since we've been friends since elementary school. I haven't gotten her anything yet...I need to get on that lol

Baby name has changed! Instead of Eivlyn for a girl, we've decided on Maggie :) Im not sure if we'll change the spelling , but I love it! And here lately I've been seeing the name a lot! I cut through a parking lot the other day and in the back was a street named Maggie. Also I was looking at a website for wall escalated earlier, I was thinking how cute these would be for "maggie's room" and right after I saw that there was a picture of something that said "custom for Maggie" oh my goodness I'm absolutely in love with the name. I really hope our first baby is a girl, but of course ill take girl or boy at this point I don't care I just want a little one!

Frank

I've been seriously neglecting my blog. I've been packing and moving and cleaning for what seems like a month (maybe it has been a month?) Nonetheless, i'm over it. I'm tired of putting things in boxes, when my boxes are always too big for the items, or if I fill the box up - then it's too heavy to lift and then I have to unpack and repack. This is our last week here, thank God. I'm over this town and the majority of the people in it. However, i'm already over the people where we are moving - my family.

For the last year, i've been considering getting a basset hound. They are small (well, short at least), lazy, and super cute. A friend of ours has a basset that just had pups so we went to see them - I didn't fall in love with any of the pups however..but I did fall in love with the father of the pups. It just so happens that they only got the male basset (Frank) to mate with their basset. Now that they have mated and had pups, they don't want Frank anymore. I've gotten deeply attached to Frank. I dream about him. I go visit our friend just to see Frank. Frank is even the wallpaper of my cellphone. We were given permission to have Frank - papers and all. But, the current owners want to let his original owners say their last goodbyes before giving him to us... Which was fine since we're in the process of moving anyway.

We met with my mother the other day midway between here and there to give her some of our boxes for her to take back with her. We had lunch and told her that we were rescuing a basset hound (he isn't in the best of situations). She didn't seem like she loved the idea, but she couldn't tell us no. I mean, the lady has 9 cat's and dogs - she has no room to talk. So, now that we had told my mom and she didn't say no, we figured we were all set to take Frank with us....Until today.

I called my mom on my way to Wal-mart to pick up my new, first pair of glasses (I look like a dork =/) I was telling her about some job possibilities and she just had a weird tone in her voice. She finally said, there's a problem with us getting the dog. I asked what and she told me that she spoke with my father about it and that he got angry and said that if we could afford a dog (what, like $20 a month in food?) that we could afford my insurance and cell phone bill. Now the only reason I hadn't been paying those things, was because I was in school and didn't have a job. The deal with my parents was they would pay those while I was in school. I just graduated and fully plan on getting a job asap once were moved. And then said that we weren't thinking this through and that it would be too hard for us to find a place to live with a dog and 2 cats - like I hadn't already thought about it. Basically, she was saying that we can't have him there. Lovely mom. I feel like a teenager all over again, being told what I can and cannot do. Fucking lovely.

So, we've decided that we are just going to take our savings and go ahead and get my own insurance and take my phone off of our family plan and start my own. I'm absolutely tired of my dad holding it over my head that he pays those 2 bills for me. He's done this before with other things. For instance, i'd get a tattoo (i'm super good friends with local artists, so a lot of my work has been insanely cheap if not free, plus I trade my hair services for tatts sometimes) anyway, i'd get one and he'd throw it in my face that he pays my insurance and cell phone bill. At this point, i'd rather take the risk of driving uninsured than him be able to hold that over me. I'm fucking over it.

I'm going to get a job, 2 if I have to and save up as much money as quickly as possible so we can move out of there. And i'm getting my insurance and phone put in my name asap. I refuse to be treated and talked to like a damn child.

Stressed 2 the Max

Oh my goodness. Shit has been totally crazy and I fee like I haven't been on here in a minute. Here is the low down:

• Still packing up the house little by little. Taking a load of non essential boxes up to my parents house next week. Joy.
• One of my school instructors has been a bitch to me the last couple of days for no reason, making my classroom experience slightly unpleasant.
• A friend of mine that I went to school with - found out a few weeks ago that she has lymphoma and wasn't going to get treatment. A week later I was told it was in her neck and down her side. 2 days ago I was told it had spread to her chest and legs and that she already has her coffin picked out and has made funeral arrangements. Today I was told that the cancer is all over her, they won't know what kind of lymphoma it is till Friday. I don't think she is going to make it much longer....She's only 37. 
• Tuesday, the 21st, will mark the 6th year anniversary of Eric's death. Eric was my closest and best friend at the time and had asked me out on a date while I was out of town..Well the day I got back he committed suicide. This time of year really bothers me. 
• Found out today that my dad had some shit cut out of his chest...Weeks ago! I don't know whats going on, my family never tells me anything at all...But I know they have cut out quite a few spots off of his skin (skin cancer? idk) I guess this time was pretty deep and he had to have stitches. This really worries me - my dad is 73.
• 2 people on my fb announced their pregnancies this week and I was invited to a baby shower. I hate the way I feel when other people get pregnant. Life has been so ridiculous lately that I haven't even been temping, but I know I haven't ovulated yet and i'm on CD....20? 
• I've started couponing...like crazy. Mostly because I get so deep into it that it's the only thing I think about, and honestly I'd rather think about nothing but coupons and crunching numbers right now than all the other shit going on. 

The Great Sperm Race

So, I've seen this documentary brought up quite a few times on the TTC boards. Since i'm sick and having nothing to do, I decided to watch it. Wow. If you haven't watched it yet, go do it - now. Also, I've included The Great Sperm Race game at the bottom! lol









Here is the link to the game The Great Sperm Race Game

Fml.

Well, we got quite a bit of work done on the house this weekend. I got DH to go through all of his clothes and separate what he's keeping and bag up the stuff he wasn't. I think he ended up with like 8 bags of clothes to give away lol We've started on the bedroom, going through everything - packing up our non essentials, throwing out trash and such and bagging up shit to take to goodwill. Well, my living room is full of bags and crates and all sorts of shit that I need to haul off to Goodwill. I'd like to do it today, but I feel like death.

You see, we have mold - one of the big reasons for us needing to move out of this hell hole. I know we have mold, because you can smell it. Not in every room, but I'd say we have it in the majority of the house - especially the closet in our bedroom where I spent probably a good hour or more cleaning it out by myself last night..Well after I was done cleaning the closet I hopped in the shower and my nose started bleeding. Lovely. I can't believe how sick i've gotten from cleaning the house. I really should go buy some masks or something because I wont be able to keep cleaning and packing if I'm going to stay sick like this. I can't wait to get out of here! DH is going to put in his 2 weeks notice about mid July and were hoping to begin moving the beginning of August.

In other news, a girl I went to HS with announced her pregnancy on FB today. I'm happy for her, but jealous and envious at the same time. I mean, idk, it just gets to me - mostly because I know her and her husband haven't been trying for very long. Were in month #8. =/